Blind Hope

Christian Campbell struggles against a devastating disease. Because of his tenacity and courage, Earl is a terrific role model for those trying to deal with panic and anxiety. Already he has traveled throughout the country speaking to large groups of people who suffer from panic disorder, and many are amazed that a man as big, strong and successful as Earl is fighting panic. One of the largest obstacles for those suffering from panic disorder is the fear that keeps them from getting out of their homes and seeking professional help. However, Earl's story has inspired many to break through the fear and find the assistance they need. Men in particular have found his story inspirational and helpful in seeking help since males tend to feel the condition is a sign of weakness. Women seem to have an easier time talking about the illness and seeking help for the medical condition whose symptoms and effects are not widely known among most lay people.

The story of Earl Campbell's life prior to the onset of his panic disorder helps one to better understand how he was able to survive the attack, control its effects and find the courage to speak publicly about the condition.

Most know of Earl from his professional football career for eight years. Earl was a running back in the National Football League from 1978 to 1985, won the Heisman Trophy, the NFL MVP award three-times and was elected into the Hall of Fame. Most widely recognized for his powerful running style, Earl was a man of unbelievable physical strength and iron will, who could carry 300-pound linemen on his back across the goal line for touchdown after touchdown.

Life off the Gridiron
On March 29, 1955 Ann and B.C. Campbell welcomed their sixth child, Earl Christian Campbell into the world. Earl knew at an early age that football would be his ticket out of the sweltering rose fields of Tyler, Texas — the rose capital of the world. He started playing football when he was in the fifth grade, figuring out by the eighth grade that God had given him ability unlike the guy down the street. Belief in that fact caused Earl to work even harder on the football field.

Growing up as one of eleven children in Tyler, Texas, Earl and his siblings worked in the rose fields to help the family earn a living: however, Earl believes his dislike for the rose fields was more intense than that of his brothers and sisters. In fact, Earl was convinced he could make it in professional sports, which seemed better in every way than working in the rose fields. He says, "I was the only one that did not give a damn about working in those rose fields. I thought playing sports and football offered a lot better future than working in those rose fields, and I was determined that I was going to make it." Today, he admits that the hard work and difficult circumstances served to shape his character, causing him to be extremely well disciplined.

Over the tears of his mother but because of the offer of a scholarship from the University of Texas, Earl chose to leave his family to pursue football in college. The university played a large part in Campbell's life, as witnessed by his fond memories that drew him back to finish his degree after he had turned pro. In fact, except for the days Earl's two sons were born, perhaps the best time he can remember came after his rookie year when he went back to the University of Texas to finish his bachelor's degree. Once again he proved that his self-discipline was an important asset as he happily completed his course work and graduated.

Looking back in life, Earl says, "The worst time of my life has always been being without my father." Earl has never been able to get over his father's untimely passing during his fifth grade of school. "Thankfully, my coaches from middle school through my professional career have been that father figure. And every time I left, there was always somebody else."

Trapped in a World of Darkness
"About three or fours years after I left football, I was on my way home to Houston. It was Friday afternoon in June of 1988, just another Friday, waiting at a stoplight in this little town called LaGrange, Texas; out of the blue, my heart started racing. I felt my chest. Then I broke into a cold sweat, began hyperventilating and became convinced I was having a heart attack." Campbell's first memory was that his father died of a heart attack when Earl was in the fifth grade, and now Earl's son was getting close to the fifth grade. That night he ended up in the emergency room, and in the hospital for a week — when he began to understand panic disorder. In fact, most people with panic disorder say the same two things, "I felt as though I was losing my mind and I thought I had a heart attack."

Earl was convinced he wasn't going to be around to see his boys grow up to be men, nor would he be able to enjoy all he had accomplished. The good-hearted big man was puzzled about why this should be happening to him when he hadn't done anything negative to anybody, instead accomplishing many positive things for himself and others.

After a week in the hospital, through test after test, the only thing the doctor discovered was high cholesterol. "I thought all the medical people lied to me, just pretending to tell me the truth to save my worrying about it. So I would ask my wife over and over if she was telling me the honest truth, and she always swore she was. It was hard for me to believe her because I could never forget what that episode felt like." He says it was like being trapped in a world of darkness, losing control without anyone being available to help. "It is as if you are on an airplane with lots of turbulence; you might feel that if you could just get off this airplane, everything would be just fine, but there is no escape."

Earl was literally starving to find out an answer to the cause of his condition. "So I called Spanky Stephens, head trainer at the University of Texas when I was there — a guy I trusted and knew I could count on for help," said Earl. Spanky knew he'd been in the hospital, but Earl filled him in on everything else. When Spanky mentioned the possibility of a nervous disorder or panic attacks, Earl said, "What is that; what does it do to you?" Stephens explained his understanding of the problem to Earl, who said, "I don't think I'm like that; I'm having a lot of fun," recalling his lifestyle of playing golf and feeling that he was "having the time of my life."

Earl agreed to go to the doctor Spanky suggested, Dr. Lockett. Far from crediting his fame or experience in the NFL, Earl believes that any person in his situation would have sought help in whatever corner it could be found. He explains, "I definitely felt I was never going to get an answer, but I don't think I ever lost hope. I just basically stayed inside, living behind sunshades, and I stayed on the phone a lot calling people, especially my mom."

When Campbell first went to see Dr. Lockett, the doctor told him he thought Earl was suffering from panic attacks. He referred Earl to Dr. Hauser, a well-regarded psychiatrist. "When I first walked into Dr. Hauser's office, the people in the waiting room appeared to be patients in an old folks' home. But the people weren't old; some of them were my age, but they just didn't look happy." When Earl read the pamphlet that Dr. Hauser gave him, he realized that panic attacks were what he was going through. "I was angry because I didn't think I deserved that; I just swore that wasn't me. Now I understand that 90 percent of the people who have panic disorder probably feel the same way I did. People with panic disorder are possibly the happiest, most concerned people in the world; everything can be a wreck in their lives, but they want to do all they can to make everybody else happy." There are three things these people have in common: 1) they don't like to take that medicine, 2) they are the happiest people in the world, and 3) they will do whatever they can for others, but they take care of themselves last.

The Road to Recovery
Although Earl began taking medication, the episodes continued, disappointing him until he connected the healing process with public school education. He says that at the end of intensive treatment, a person finally begins to understand how the condition terrorizes and paralyzes. However, Earl still regards the disorder as an adversary rather than a health problem. He came to believe that the condition is something that he is going to have to live with, although it sometimes scares him. "So I just know I've got it, but I'm not embarrassed about it anymore, so I don't mind talking about it. Most people who have panic disorder will tell you the more they talk about their condition, the easier it is to deal with." Earl finds it to be helpful to get on with his life instead of continually thinking that he may have another attack at any time.

Campbell believes embarrassment about panic disorder is created because it is a mental problem, but neither that fact nor the condition stops Earl Campbell from functioning. Earl thinks this fact is the one thing people need to understand more — not to let their situation control their lives. He has seen proof that acceptance and patience about the disorder come with time and through seeing small steps of improvement. Of course the support of family and friends is necessary for successful treatment, and reminders about medication and appointments are invaluable.

After much tribulation, Earl Campbell is now in a position of being able to encourage others by saying, "The panic disorder taught me that it doesn't have to take over your life — no matter how big or how successful you are, or what you have been through in your life. You can actually help other people just by talking about the condition and giving ways to get the upper hand over it." All indications are that the condition can be hereditary. Apparently, panic disorder skips generations; Earl Campbell has two sisters who have had some problems with it. He says all their lives have been changed, but that all changes are not bad.

As for the future, Earl Campbell hopes not only to be a more successful businessman, but he would also like to have a chance to host seminars on the definition and domination over panic disorder. Although Earl believes that doctors and medications control the basics, he declares that genuine help is also acquired from persons who have the disorder and have actually experienced what they are talking about. In keeping with his general philosophy of life, Earl feels that even this drastic change is under God's control, for he receives peace and encouragement through faith and prayer.